I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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