Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
