How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
