My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
