dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
