maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Redeem this text for a blowjob
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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