Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
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When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
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I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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