I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
