if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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