And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
