I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
