For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
