It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
