There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
