hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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