Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
God, I missed his penis.
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