Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
