This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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