so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
