: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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