new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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