I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
4 words: hood of his car
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
