by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize