you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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