thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
