i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
