look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
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My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
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P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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