I puked a lego.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
