did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
soo... how was my night?
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