WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
