This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
