I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
