i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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