1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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