found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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