come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
