That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
