Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
