i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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