I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
