as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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