I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
