my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
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We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
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Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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