He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
