You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
