you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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