i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's blow job season.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
