Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
