Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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