Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
