There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
