You're completely useless in the revolution.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
be right there i have to get my cape
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
