She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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