I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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