The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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