One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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