What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
