How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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