He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
